To Be 10 again...

So for those of you who have been pregnant, dreaming crazy things basically is in the job description. Some of these outrageous dreams are scary, embarrassing and just plain off the wall. Well in between my frequent bathroom breaks I finally had myself one of the most amazing and sobering dreams I've had this whole pregnancy and maybe my entire life... I dreamt... that I was 10 again (or around that age).

It was a strange day in my 10 year-old life. I first dreamt that I was at my Aunt Florence's house in Cincinnati (but oddly Cincinnati looked a lot like Fishers, Indiana). It was here that we were all surrounded with love and around an enormous table full of the most luscious meals ever prepared. I was sitting (like always) by Joanna, Abby, Sarah and Becca. We were still at the kids table, but at that age I don't think we knew it was the kids table. I think we thought it was so nice of them to allow us to sit next to each other and have fun during Seder all night long. Silly I know. Across the room I saw Freddy and Hal sitting on the couch in the room that looked over the woods (or just a few trees, remember I was 10 everything was bigger when you were 10) and around the corner was Aunt Anne at the piano singing "My boyfriend's back" slamming away at the piano with her eyes shut just swaying away and hitting every note in that octave. Uncle Sy was standing up and giving the welcoming speech that he did every year and every year I just looked at him with great admiration and thought, man am I lucky to be part of such an awesome family. Now, I know this was a dream because A). If Freddy and Hal were sitting on the couch during dinner someone would have probably gotten in trouble, and B). If Aunt Anne would have been slamming away at the piano during the welcome speech Uncle Sy would have stopped in the middle of his welcome speech that was done in such a soft voice, and waited for her to be finished (never would have yelled). I always wondered why Uncle Sy talked so soft, I just figure now he was just one of the kindest men I've ever met and everything he said was so important he wanted to make sure you were really listening. Oh, and who could forget about Aunt Florence. There she was with my Bubbie sitting next to each other and occasionally whispering to Bubbie and giggling like they were 10 years-old too. Both were/are so beautiful, all "done up" with their amazing make up and lavish wardrobes. The servers were there like every year, were passing out the Seder dinner and it honestly was one of the best dreams. But it didn't stop there...

Next I went next door to my Grandma's house... (I know it's not next door but in my dreams it was) And there was my amazing, wonderful, most gorgeous grandma in the kitchen rolling dough out on her kitchen table that could quite possibly be the oldest table I've ever sat at (I only ever remember that table that wobbled a bit, and had 6 mis-matching chairs), rolling out noodles and saying "Hey Stephy! (oh I am bawling by the way!!!) I remembered the way she looked... grayish tennis shoes, blue slacks (that were always pressed), a white sweatshirt (but it was a fancy one with beads on the front. hahahha) and her hair stiff from Aqua Net with the smell of Este Lauder perfume as soon as you hit the door.

I stole a few noodles and moved on into the family room where my Papaw was sitting there in his old blue chair with his Velcro tennis shoes, white socks, bruises and scuffs on his legs from working out in the shed, blackish-blue shorts on and his work shirt that was unbuttoned and his glasses on his head, peeling an apple with his old pocket knife he used for EVERYTHING and complaining about how grandma hit him on the head. This was a joke he did every time I came over complaining about how grandma was beating on him, even my best friend Taylor said, I don't remember much about your grandpa but he always told us your grandma hit him. He was watching Matlock or Murder She Wrote, I'm not sure because I was so consumed with their faces I couldn't take my eyes off of them.

I just sat there on their gray couch and watched them both go about their day with anticipation for the huge gathering we had every Sunday afternoon/evening and just...breathed... I promise, you I could smell the noodles, aqua net, este lauder, and skoal chew Papaw use to use. Then it began to fade, I found myself lying in bed and crying. I had to go to the bathroom and the baby was kicking so that must of woke me up.

I laid back down and wished myself back in their old house and back at my Aunt Florence's house, but it didn't work. I didn't dream about it again, I'm sad (actually I'm crying uncontrollably right now) but I think of how my child will miss out on Grandma's Noodles, Papaw's crazy remarks, Uncle Sy's soft voice and Aunt Florence's loving touch and I'm so sad. I know my baby will make new memories like Colts Sunday and my parents house, Mom's chili, Bubbie's Thanks-ween holidays, many many many trips to Bexley, and I'm sure he or she will have a few of ours too, cousin's reunions and Aunt Anne still slamming on the piano :).

How I wish I was 10 again, for one day....