Where to begin? hahaha, well I know its been over a year since my last post and most of you understand the struggle of raising a child and; unfortunately some of you know the hardships of going through a divorce as well. Yes, thats right... I said it. I am divorced. Its hard for me to even say it outloud myself. Well good news is, I'm very happy with the outcome. Bad news, it took quite a while for me to feel this way. Long story short, I found out after Carter turned six months old that Corey wasn't happy. He turned to another for the qualities that I "lacked" for a better term. But in the end, I realized that I wasn't happy either. I was 'just happy enough' to continue living the life that I dreamt about since I was little. I wanted the high school sweetheart, the house, the picket fence and the baby. But all that came at a price. I was shocked, mad, scared, and probably a whole lot of everything, after I found out that this was going to be my fate. But, I have the world's most amazing family and the best friends anyone could ask for and I was able to listen to their stories, words of wisdom and feel their love and definitely I've become a better person ten fold. Its funny, when everything began to unravel I had numerous people say "Stephanie, you are the strongest person I know, you're so independent and you will be fine." I hated these words because I felt like, 'how in the world can someone say I am strong when I can barely get out of bed? How can I be independent when the only life I've known was with him? How will I ever be fine when all I want to do is cry my eyes out all day every day.' And to this day, haha, I still have no idea how I made it. All I had to do was focus on that amazing life that we created and we both loved so much. It was Carter who kept me going, it was my son who kept me breathing, and its my little toddler that basically saved my life. Because of him I had to go on. I had to pull myself together. Its insane to think that because of him I did it. I did it, and it feels so good to be able to say that and be truely happy.
I have to thank Taylor for the endless (and I mean ENDLESS) phone calls, texts messages and visits. Abby, for the great week I spent with her and her friends in Columbus during the hardest week (first anniversary without our little family). She and her friends were so wonderful and I am so greatful to have met these great Cbus-ers. My mom, dad and brother for just being there to listen and not act (hahahhaa) even though I know every day they wanted to. I have no idea what you guys had to go through to see my heart on the floor for so long, but thank you for listening to the same stories over and over and over again. Janice and Randy, for still loving me and being so kind throughout everything. Jamie for all the Friday night talks and those in between. My co-workers for being not only flexible but understanding when I came to work and sat in a charting room and just cried. Thank you for all your laughs and fun-poking (if thats a word) and all your support. And lastly, to everyone I missed. I could write a book about how each one of you impacted my life this last year. How did I get so lucky to have such great people in my life?
Music has been such a great influence the last year and their are so many songs that just hit the nail on the head. I know everyone makes fun of country songs but if you have a problem, chances are they sing about it. And Lord knows there are tons of break up songs in country music. My main theme was a Garth Brooks song called "She's Gonna Make It". At first I cried every time I listened to it, and that was every second I was in the car, at my house or dropping the baby off. I would blare (if thats how you spell it) it on the way home from dropping Carter off. Now, like I said things are different. Corey and I are doing really well as friends. We talk mainly just about Carter, hell we actually laugh a little about things that have happened in the past. There were many nights of screaming matches, fights and name calling but we have both grown up a little. We realize this is not about me, and its certainly not about Corey or his girlfriend. Its about Carter, and only Carter. Once we realized that our relationship has gotten better. The best thing that came from this whole journey is the fact that he is such a better dad now, than he ever was in the past. And in turn, I think I'm that much better of a mom. I CHERISH every second, minute and day that I have to spend with that little boy. I know when he is older and he has to be taken back and forth and back and forth from house to house he might not understand but I know together as parents we will show him that he is that much more special that we have to share time with him because he is that amazing. We'll make it work. Did I ever think I would have to? Hell no, but it happens... I guess its "The Facts of Life".
Carter and I had our pictures done this last week so I will update the blog with those pictures when I get them back. My photographer is so amazing but sooooo pregnant so we are just thankful she could work us in. I'll update on what we're up to every week hopefully (Taylor will yell at me if not). So until then, thank you again for all your support. I love you all.
She's Gonna Make It - Garth Brooks
He followed her to work this morning
He’d never seen that dress before
She seemed to sail right through
Those dark clouds forming
That he knows he’s headed for
After seven years of marriage
He wanted out
Now after seven months of freedom
It’s clear that there’s no doubt
She’s gonna make it
And he never will
He’s at the foot of the mountain
And she’s over that hill
He’s sinkin’ at sea
And her sails are filled
She’s gonna make it
And he never will
And you know it’s not like she’s forgot about him
She’s just dealing with the pain
And the fact that she’s survived so well without him
You know it’s driving him insane
And the crazy thing about it
Is she’d take him back
But the fool in him that walked out
Is the fool who just won’t ask
She’s gonna make it
And he never will
He’s at the foot of the mountain
And she’s over that hill
He’s sinkin’ at sea
And her sails are filled
She’s gonna make it
And he never will
Much love to all!
